Beauty vs Appearance
I’ve been thinking about beauty and what it means to seek it out when I’m making pictures. Hunting for tidbits of beauty is an innate thing for me. But I don’t mean beauty in the conventional sense of what the beauty industry wants us to think: everyone trying to become the same narrow thing that a few powerful people consider ideal. I’m genuinely pissed off when I imagine the womanpower that could be harnessed if the time and energy we spend on appearances was used for….well, pretty much anything else.
The term “as is” is used to warn buyers that something that is being sold is not in perfect condition/in the existing condition, including any faults/problems. This is the kind of beauty I’m after: beauty, as is. It acknowledges that imperfection is beautiful. That pain and struggle can be just as beautiful and worthy of documenting as joy and laughter. The single greatest lesson I’ve learned since becoming a parent is that you have to embrace the pain as much as the joy or else you’re denying your child and self a fully human experience. The more we resist or deny the hard stuff, the worse it gets.
And even with all these opinions of mine, do you know what the first thing I do is when I see a picture of myself? Check to see if I look good. It’s embarassing to admit and I wish it wasn’t true but it is. The shit runs deep. Engrained. And requires diligent consciousness to constantly intercept and resist those feelings. While its not my fault that I’ve been conditioned this way, I do feel a responsibility to try to undo it a bit for myself, my daughter and the next generation. As the person with the camera, I get to choose what gets a light shined on it and how. And I think it boils down to this: I choose people being their real selves. Don’t get dressed up for the photos. Don’t look through your calendar trying to find empty time to fill with family photos. Instead think about how I can be integrated into what’s already happening. Plan something exciting. Or just stay home. Reserve time to be present with each together.
The more time I get to hang out with you, the greater the likelihood of you getting pictures that are so your family.
I know this requires letting go of some control as a Mom which can be scary and is not for everyone. I’ve certainly taken my fair share of pretty posed portraits over the years, but life has been feeling particularly short and particularly precious for me lately and I want to spend my time and energy making pictures that contribute to a world where we care more about beauty than appearnces. What we choose to hang on the wall or print in photo books says something about what we value. When kids are celebrated for being exactly who they are, I believe that does something to them.
appearance NOUN
ap·pear·ance ə-ˈpir-ən(t)s
the act or fact of appearing, as to the eye or mind or before the public; the state, condition, manner, or style in which a person or object appears; outward look or aspect; outward show or seeming; semblance
“keep up appearances” is to maintain a public impression of decorum, prosperity, etc, despite reverses, unfavorable conditions, etc
beauty NOUN
beau·ty ˈbyü-tē
the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
definition source: dictionary.com